an atheists christmas

on a day like today everyone wants to be sentimental. we all want to be profound about love and family and the wonders of the holiday spirit.... so, I'm part of all.

if you don't know it by now, i don't believe in anything supernatural. i am not Buddhist, Mormon, christian, satanic, Muslim, or a practicing Scientologist. i am an atheist. a lot of people seem to think that i should have conflict with the holiday season. that's just silly. pretty much as dumb as saying that a christian should have a problem with it. actually, even more dumb since the history of the holiday has nothing to do with Christianity at all. please read the following...

The History Channels guide to the origins of Christmas.

OK, now that all of that is over with i can just say, hey... I'm 29 years old and some things happened in my life this year that really kinda screwed up the balance of me. i am living out of a suitcase in the guest room at my parents house. its 2 hours in to Christmas and the only thing stirring is me. i sneak down the steps periodically for something to drink and i am watching nature programs on Netflix. I didn't ask for one thing for christmas because i don't have anywhere to put anything. i am just not sure of anything at all right now and i have stopped holding my breath for things to slide into place.

i will fall asleep. i wont sleep long. too many loud voices and excited hearts will tear me out of slumber. its fine. i will wake up and sit at the top of the steps in the most certain of all Hargrave traditions. i will wait for my parents to oooooh and aaaaah over the spread of wrapped gifts. there will be a picture taken. we will all make our way down the steps and begin opening not just gifts, but financial sacrifices we have made to one another. in a family like mine, sometimes its not easy to give. but we love each other and find a way.

thats christmas. who cares if the word christ is in the title. its only there cus the catholics hi-jacked it from the pagans. and who cares what the pagans were celebrating. i care about one thing. i care that tomorrow morning i will feel at home. i will feel in place and i will not be thinking about how mutated my sense of normality is right now. i care that i will be where i should be, with my family. that is going to be the best gift i get.