i have been waiting for inspiration. i have had quite a few ideas about what this blog should be. first on the list was all of the things about traveling via commercial airline that i hate. secondly, i really wanted to tackle my opinions on this whole planned parenthood thing. third, how stupid mistakes can ruin brilliant friendships. fourth, i wanted to talk about my move. regardless of the topic... i have been putting off this blog for weeks upon weeks. now i know what the inspiration is. Beer. Beer and a slight amount of privacy. I reflected a bit on when i have decided to write my favorite blogs and all of them were when i was drunk and alone. sadly, now i have a room mate. i am still drunk the same amount. i am not alone very much at all. lucky for me it is only sad in relation to the writing. otherwise it has been a blast. this blog is about the move.
i lived out of a suitcase at my parents house for 21 months. there was a thing, with a girl, it ended and my life got reset. so yeah, 21 months. suitcase. i lived out of it because it was basically all i had. i left my plates, my silverware, my plunger, my bed, and the better part of my materialistic proof of being an adult in another city. the right chance to rectify this jumped at me just a few months back. i decided to rent a room alongside one of my best friends from high school. it happened pretty quickly. his room mate/sister had to jump ship in an instant in order to move to chicago. i pounced on it.
here i am. once you count up all of the touring i have done since i moved in (on march 1) i have a total of about 12 nights in my new place. i am more moved in than you could ever imagine. i guess this is where this blog really takes a turn towards my more recent posts. so far this seems like a day to day. if youve been paying attention, i quit that a while ago. i try to figure out me and the world a little more these days. this time more me than the world.
i moved in and had two days here. then i was gone. if youre taking notes, my bed was left with the ex. the first few nights i slept on a futon. each and every day that i was on tour i had a tiny freak out about not owning a proper bed. when i got home buying a bed was the first thing i did. not long after that i bought blinds. curtains. area rugs, lamps, bird seed, plates, weed wacker, second tv, bread box, ceiling fan, clocks, nightstands, and everything else in the whole world. i wake up every day obsessing about something that is missing. something that will fit or fill or make me feel a little more at home.
there is a slight complication. i do have to get the approval of another person. thankfully he is not as locked in to making sure everything is perfect. so far it seems like as long as i am making things look better he has no real objection. that works out so well for me because i really do worry about my ability to relax and be happy in an environment where things arent perfectly in order non stop. to be honest, i have a hard time accepting that this is the bathroom i have to use. its last on the list... but its written down in bold red print. i am having very serious moments of distress in regards to how things are organized or displayed. i am concerned about my concerns. they are costing an awful lot.
i quit drinking caffeine in mid july. i was upset that i could feel some sort of physical addiction to something. i have always been proud that no substance has ever had a hold on me. this move cements in me that physical addictions are not my worry. the grasp that so many mental situations have on me is disturbing. the drive to be comfortable and settled is overwhelming. i accept this. oddly, i cant stop thinking about how i need a few really great house plants.
oddly enough, i am looking to cure my proactivity. who the fuck does that? how do i convince me that what i have is enough? how can i reach a point of satisfaction when my personality is telling me each and every second that more and more can be done? i am having a very hard time controlling the urges. the home depot is a freakin booby trop.
house plant. house plant. house plant. beer.