after the last blog.... you know, the sink pissing blog with the addendum... i decided that maybe i needed to take a break from the thing that makes a guy pee in the sinks of public establishments. but by all means, if you are peeing in your own sink, thats fine. here is the overly honest and pretty embarrassing confession of a blog.
late october 2011. i had recently cut back on drinking and started a process of eating healthier and doing a bit of cardio here and there. so yeah, late october all of those efforts started to diminish. by day one of november all hope was lost. i was in a new country, fuck, on a new continent, and i was hell bent on enjoying it. actually, that was the case for all of november. i went out and i partied. really freaking hard. i unknowingly made it my daily task to conquer Mt. Sobriety with a burp and a bottle opener. i think that from late october until about a week ago, i hadnt really made it more than two full days without at least a couple of drinks. i would even go so far as to say that 6 nights out of any given week i was drinking no less than 6 beers. most nights it was well above that number.
despite my nightly affairs, i was waking up each day and being a functional and contributing member of society. i mean, i get shit done. a lot of people have to do lists. i dont. i have to done lists. nothing in my life stacks up. i always finish the day feeling accomplished and celebrate with a beer. or 9. i never felt like that was a problem. how could it be? i did all of the things that i needed to do and then spent the night doing what i wanted to do. acting like i wanted to act. as long as i dont need to drink when i wake up, im fine. right?
then i peed in a public sink.
once you pee in a sink the whole world changes. or maybe its the getting caught. its probably the getting caught. or maybe its the being drunk enough to paste the news on the internet for the whole world to read. granted, the whole world didnt read it, but blogger says that at least a few hundred people did. i guess thats enough. so peeing in the sink, getting caught, bragging about it.... whole world changes.
i woke up the next morning feeling like a total asshole. i started compiling a list of all of the disappointing things that i have done (or remember doing) while intoxicated. first off, that huge bruise that tore my leg up for the rest of my life... drunk. the car that i flipped when i was 19... drunk. the time that i drove my car into the median of the interstate after passing out at the wheel, drunk. the vomit in the elevator, the vomit in the hotel hallway, the vomit on the bar, the vomit inside of my car, the 700 bucks i lost in a strip club in 2 hours, the hanging upside down by my toes from a billboard, standing on the edge of a 20+ story building while looking over the edge... only my heels still on the building, drunk. a number of things (that are none of your business) involving the bedroom. a number of things involving friends that now do their damnedest to make sure i am not a part of their lives. shit i cant mention, and im sure shit that i dont even remember. how the hell does any of that help reflect the person that i try too hard to be before the sun goes down? simple. it doesnt.
i dont want to be the asshole. i mean, i enjoy being an asshole... i just dont want to be THE asshole. i need to start drinking beer again for the taste and enjoyment. not in order to become so drunk that every decision possible is A-OK. i want to get back to being the fun guy with a good buzz.
so now i am mere minutes into my 7th sober day in a row. the last time i went that long was almost 2 years ago and it was mandatory. i was on anti-biotics to help keep my bruise (caused by a drunken decision) from becoming infected. my goal is 30 days. more than anything in my life, i demand control of it. i quit caffeine. i just took a 3 week break from video games. when i feel like something has control of me, i teach it a lesson. this one may be overdue but its finally happening. if i get to the end of the 30 days and still feel like i need a beer, i wont have one. i am taking the same route that i did with caffeine. i wont have any until i dont want any. wish me luck.