cleanliness is next to me.

the measure of success. this gauge isnt the same for everyone. i dont think that assuming money is a huge barometer for many is a stretch. i feel the same about that house with the white picket fence. spouse, kids, a fucking dog. stupid two car garage.

so what is success to me? im rabidly concerned with systems. from tiny things like long sleeved shirts on the left of the closet and short on the right to complex things like... well, you dont even want to know. the basis of a systematic life is that you start everything with a clean slate. how can you possibly move on to a second project when the remnants of the first are still scattered over the landscape? you just cant. this agenda lends its self quite well to a very organized and clean life and living space. yeah, im a little nutso over dust and dirt and clutter and things not having a place. so what is success.... everything in its place. no matter how much money i make, or dont, no matter if i find the love of a lifetime or not.... when the bed is made, the dishes are done, and the grass is cut, life becomes easier to live. my happiness is strictly a result of rampant cleanliness.

my mom cleans houses for a living. i can only imagine that when she walks into someones house it isnt far from what i think of when i walk into someone elses concert. with that in mind, when mom comes to visit i stress out about every single piece of dust or dirt. every circle stain on every end table. my expectation is that she wears the worlds whitest glove on her observational skills.... and shes judging me.

tonight, mom came over. i freshened up the kitchen. thats it. i touched nothing else. living room, dining room, my bedroom. bathroom.... i ignored them. i made sure the dishes were in their places and took a clorox wipe or two to the stove. that was it. she walked in. i love hugging my mom. she walked through the apartment and said "everything looks so wonderful and clean".

ladies and gentlemen..... i am the definition of success.

happy boy

more than anything, i feel like people comment on how negative i am. i wanted to spend some time explaining why i am as "negative" as (what is basically) my twitter followers think i am. fuck that shit. i am not negative. i evaluate the world and comment on it. its not my fault that most everything is a let down. i simply state what i see around me.

i live in a saddened, pathetic, lazy, apathetic, pointless america. i can walk out of my front door and down the street and encounter a dozen people. none of which said hello or wished me a great day. one of them probably tossed a cigarette butt on the ground. another surely went to work stoned earlier in the day and another is wearing what they wore when they woke up.... and thats just out of my front door. it really does feel as if no one actually cares.

this begs the question "how hard is it to be a decent person?". note that i didnt ask about being a good person. just decent. lower in the spectrum of acceptance. how hard? yeah... pretty fucking easy. so why cant people do it? no matter where i go in my day i find a non stop stream of horrible people. you know you cant park you car right in front of the grocery store, right? you have to find a parking spot. it doesnt matter if you are loading groceries. the fucking fire lane is not a parking spot. youre an asshole. a horrible person. you know that you arent supposed to take your weeks worth of groceries to the electronics section in wal mart in hopes to get out faster, right? its for electronics? also, you know you arent supposed to check that person out, right? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

i live in a world where my neighbors dog shits all over the yard and she thinks its going to evaporate. meanwhile, i have to clean it up in order to mow the lawn. i live in world where single file lines apply to your life less the older you are. we spent our first 18 years learning how valuable it is to stand in a line. we get older and all of a sudden you crowd around an airport gate cutting off people left and right so that you can sit in an assigned seat faster than someone else?

i have ranted so many times about so many things on this blog and on twitter. they are very rarely in unfounded anger. life is too short to spend it not thinking about how to make the whole world happier. there are more people on this planet than you. think about them for once. pick up trash that isnt yours. tip too much. open doors for strangers, dont look homeless if you arent, let the elderly enjoy whats left, be proud of what you have and have worked for, share it with others. dont be greedy, do more than is expected.

life gives you endless chances to make it better. do it. not just for you... for everyone. its really very simple. dont fuck it up. you dont notice it, but everyone else does.

again. i am not negative. i am disappointed.

try harder. do more.